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Vyvyan Basterd
Vyvyan Basterd is a psychotic punk metal medical student. Described as "ruthless and sadistic maniac" by Rik, he regularly attacks both Rik and Neil with pieces of wood, cricket bats, hammers, frying pans, and other objects such as keetles and radios. The only person safe from his extreme violence is Mike whom he greatly respects, admires and looks up to. He is played by Adrian Edmondson. Fictional Character Biography Only one of Vyvyans relatives is seen in the series his mother, a former shoplifter who prior to the events of boring had not seen him in ten years. He and his mother (whose name is never revealed) do not have a close relationship. She regularly plays cruel pranks on him such as giving him a box of matches to play with when he was still an infant or giving him an empty bottle of vodka when he was ill and then yelling in his face "up yours, ugly". According to Vyvyan these two gag gifts were the only two times she ever actually gave him a present in his entire life. Vyvyan likewise does not care for her and tells her to piss off when ever he sees her. Despite the mutual hatred they have for each other however, Vyvyans mother did help him abuse Rick in boring and agreed with Vyvyan that Rick was "a complete basterd", Vyvyan for his part did agree to say "piss off Mom" to her rather than just "piss off" in Sick. Vyvyan is shown to possess a keen scientific mind and creates numerous potions throughout the series, one of which causes all of his hair to fall out when he drinks it, and another which causes anyone who drinks it transform into an axe wielding homicidal maniac. He describes it as basically a cure for not being an axe wielding homicidal maniac, stating "the potential markets enourmous". He has also demonstrated impressive mathematical talent too, being able to work out instantly how many times he has worn his three pairs of knickers 269 times since their last wash. Despite this however he cannot tell the time a trait he shares with Rik. Vyvyan is extremly violent and has in fact killed many people throughout the series including a fellow student who he punched out and then burned at a party, the Footlights college, Oxbridge university challenge team who he vaporised with a bomb and several medeval peasants who he blew to pieces with a cannon (whilst trying to shoot Rik). Neil is a frequent target of Vyvyans abuse and cruelty, with Vyvyan smashing a plate over his head after giving him three seconds to make the dinner, beating him relentlessly with cricket bats, hammers and his fists, and hammering six inch nails into his skull. Despite this however Vyvyan does not hate Neil and actually quite likes him, even introducing him to his mother as a friend. His attacks on Niel are never just because he hates him, they are always either because he is frustrated at him for not making his dinner, (which he feels is Neils job) boredom, or even ironically because he thinks he is helping Neil. Hammering the six inch nails into Neils skull was Vyvyans crude attempts at accupuncture in an attempt to cure his cold. On another occassion Vyvyan hit Neil over the head with a keetle, only because he thought it was merely an amusing trick that would make Neil laugh (Vyvyans friend had done the same thing to him the other night and he had laughed and laughed.) Vyvyans main target of abuse is Rick, unlike Neil Vyvyan does truly despise Rick and all of his attacks on him which are far more severe are entirely out of malice. Vyvyan will often punch Rik at the slightest provocation, such as Rick telling him to leave his bedroom or to operate the video player with his hands. He has attacked and beaten Rick with cricket bats( on one occassion he hit Rick in the testicles so hard that the cricket bat broke), cricket balls, frying pans, pokers, 2by4's (after Rick remarked that "sticks and stones may break my bones"), hammers, radios, shovels and has smashed plates, bottles and cups over his head. He will often just grab Rick and yell in his face "RICK SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU", he has in fact actually tried to murder Rick on several occassions which include the following. *Pinning Rick to a door with a crowbar and attempting to slice him open with an axe, he only stopped when Neil arrived and informed Vyvyan that Ricks bedroom was on fire after which Vyvyan ran upstairs with a tank of petrol. He slammed the door Rick was pinned to behind him which caused Rick to fall and hurt his bottom. *Once strapped a circular saw to Ricks bed which nearly cut him in half. *Threw a petrol bomb into Ricks bedroom. *When Rick fell into an open grave Vyvyan tried to fill it in, however when Neil said that they couldn't bury Rick alive Vyvyan responded, "thats absoloutly true Neil, we better kill him first" and procedded to nearly beat Rick to death with a shovel. *After a heated arguement over whether or not Rick was a virgin, Vyvyan attempted to blow Rick to pieces with a large medeval cannon. Even though Rick admitted he was a virgin in an attempt to save his life, Vyvyan still tried to kill him. Rick was only able to escape by agreeing to all of Vyvyans very harsh terms which included paying Vyvyan money, admiting to everyone that he was a virgin and wearing a sign around his chest that said "I AM A VRIGIN" he also later had to get a T-shirt fitted too. Though Vyvyan agreed not to kill him he still hit him over the head with a mace. Vyvyan will often turn whatever game they are playing into an abusing Rick game. He once changed the rules of cricket into him smashing a cricket ball over Ricks head and setting fire to Ricks arse. He also changed the rules of monoply to sticking the cards up Ricks bottom, setting fire to his bed and smashing the bank over Ricks head. Vyvyan regularly steals and destroys Ricks possessions, with examples being, eating all of his food even when it is marked with sticky labels, he just eats the labels too, burning his bedroom, his sociology files, his record player that his parents bought him after his exams, stealing his girly purse after Rick declares"All property is theft" and ripping his comic books in half. In addition to winning all of their physical fights Vyvyan wins all of he and Ricks verbal confrontations too, and is usually the one who tells Rick how badly hated he is by the others. The only person who is safe from Vyvyans extreme violence is Muke whom he greatly respects, admires and looks up too. The relationship between Mike and Vyvyan is the only one that could be described as friendly though Vyvyan and Mike have clashed on two occassions, once when Vyvyan had created a new and extremly dangerous vaccum cleaner that Mike forbid him from using Vyvyan responded by calling him "a poof". Vyvyan also once knocked Mike along with Rick, Neil, Sir Cliff Richard and himself out once with a hammer. Vyvyan also destroys large sections of the house on a regular basis, he crashes through the wall, smashes his head through windows, wires a bomb to the doorbell, and once caused a bed to fall through the roof in a fight with Rick, he also eats just about anything from dead rats to television sets to caviar with ketchup. He frequently displays superhuman strength and durability such as moving the entire house with his hands, lifting Neil over his head in a fight with Rick and surviving a pickaxe through his skull and having his head cut offby a train. He often inflicts violence on himself aswell, such as punching himself, hitting himself with a hammer and strapping a bomb to his head, and even kicking his own severed head down a railway line. Vyvyan is apparently bisexual as while he often oggles beautiful women and once slept with Kate Bush using Neil as a contraceptive, He also enjoys snogging his pet hamster SPG and once became exited at seeing Neil in a dress. Vyvyan was evicted by his facist landlord Jertzey Balowfski along with his other three housemates. On the streets with no cash he Rick, Neil and Mike robbed a bank and despite a few problems (including Vyvyan smashing the getaway car) the four were eventually able to escape in a double decker bus. Things were looking up with the four boys all getting along for once with plenty of money, until Vyvyan himself crashed the bus over the edge of a cliff where it exploded killing all four of them. Despite the handicap of being dead and a wanted criminal Vyvyan along with Mike, Rick and Neil would record a cover version of the song living doll with Sir Cliff Richard which got to number 1 in the charts. Sadly however it was for charity and none of them got any money for it and most likely remained very poor. Notes and Trivia *Vyvyan owns a hamster called Special Patrol Group (voiced by Rik Mayll in a thick glaswegian accent) though he is very fond of SPG, SPG is still subject to Vyvyans violence too, with Vyvyan having starved him for months, squashed him flat and stuck him in a toaster and thrown him into a pool of sharks. Often these attacks are provoked as SPG will often attack Vyvyan Vyvyan first in someway, Vyvyan also snogs with SPG as revealed in Terror. *Vyvyvan owns a yellow ford anglia with red flames along the side. He is very fond of this car threatning to kill Neil if he touches it and crying when he crashes it. *Vyvyan has 666 embedded in his head ( this is seen when he drinks a potion which causes all of his hair to fall out.) *Ade Edmondson recently reprised the role of Vyvyan in Bottom Grade Y fronts tour when Eddie and Ritchie travel back in time and realise they can use old material again. *He has orange hair and 4 stars embedded in his forehead *Vyvyan has got loads of friend including a group of violent punks who beat Neil up in interesting, but he doesen't like any of them and therefore has to do the least work around the house. *Vyvyans job was to look after the plants and the goldfish while Neils job was to look after the plants and the goldfish. However on thier first day as flatmates Vyvyan made Neil cook the plants and goldfish along with sausages. Category:Adrian Edmondson Characters Category:LGBT characters Category:Psychopaths Category:Murderers